I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
