Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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