apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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