we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
