She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
