it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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