Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
