So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm jealous of your bromance
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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