She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
