sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
