I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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