Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
