mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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