Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
