can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My pussy is not your playground.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
