my mouth tastes like poor choices
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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