I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
