If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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