Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
