PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
