He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
