There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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