Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
