They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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