She's JV to your varsity
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
