i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
