We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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