I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
