She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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