I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You have to summon your inner elephant
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
