if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
we should paint friendship bongs
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