go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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