dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your cock deserves a montage
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
