Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
