i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
