I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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