When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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