I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
