Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
