It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
