i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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