I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
