Where is the hickey?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
