i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
