I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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