I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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