I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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