Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
