as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
