Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
