I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
