no, he came in my armpit
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
