come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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