he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
