I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
As shirtless as possible
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
