So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
