I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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